Every day, it seems that we live in an increasingly liquid. I'm not preaching against the evils of alcohol or a new era of prohibition that will save us from sin and politicians. After all the water is a liquid, and rarely inflicts us with either sin or politicians.
But we expect everything to be extremely easy these days, so liquid is the operating system of choice.
No time to eat? Grab a liquid breakfast and run. Why tie a knot in the umbilical cord that connects your bed to your desk? If you can find a straw long enough, just start slurping as you rise from bed, and smacked his lips to the last drop as you whiz out the door. Bye.
Remember when soap came in bars? Solid bar? Sorry, I guess I'm showing my age. Now everybody uses liquid soap. Yesterday I reached for the soap. No, wait. I reached a hand cream. Or was it the soap? But what if the hand cream? Soap or hand cream? What is that?
People used to nail siding on the exterior of their homes. Now they just spray on "liquid siding". It is available in three delicious flavors: coatings, ceramic and stucco. Yum.
And now they have taken my little vitamin supplement pills and liquefied them.
"Just wait a minute. How do you know which pills liquid vitamins?"
Who said that?
"They are vitamins naturally solid? Or are naturally liquid?"
Uh. I had to admit that probably would not recognize a vitamin, if I met on the street ... in this case I suspect it might be too big to swallow. Tell me who is this?
"Where do you think vitamins come from, anyway?"
I always thought it came from the back of the corner shop in a small town in Indiana, but on reflection, I suspect that might come from oranges, fish and milk. Who are you?
"I do not think it is rather difficult to stuff a fish into a hard, little pill?"
I suppose the article has a point.
"Drink your milk, do not you?"
Yes, but that is because it is liquid. Suddenly I remembered my dream from just last week. Cow after cow heading into a factory conveyor belt. cartons tightly sealed first I though it was the annual Cattle Family Reunion, but on the other side of the factory, riding the conveyor belt itself was of milk. Aaargh!
"Pressed. As an orange. Drink juice, is not it?"
Yes ... but squeezing a cow?
"Just what do you know about liquid?"
I thought real hard. Everything is in one of three states: gas, liquid and solid. Gas is like politicians when they speak. Liquid is like when the politicians are working to attend the cocktail. Solid is like statues of politicians (They look so comfortable!).
Everything comes in either gas, liquid or solid. This is all I remember about my high school chemistry. That, and how to explode a partially dissected frog. No, wait. This was not chemistry class. Silly me. Because we have a partially dissected frog in chemistry class. This was the class. What was his name again? Oh yes, "housekeeping".
"Did the frog contain vitamins?"
Not anymore.
"Do you think it easier to pack vitamins into a tiny hard pill or a drink?"
I suppose it all depends on what type of explosive used. I tried to imagine squeezing a fish into a box. But fish walking up a conveyor belt seemed just a bit 'radical ... and even less flavorful freshly squeezed cow.
"Liquid vitamin supplements are made with only vegetable ingredients."
That's it. Keep the cow. Keep your fish. Keep your frog ... what is left of it. I'm going to a pure liquid life.
My only question now is: What is the soap, and what is the hand cream? And what my liquid vitamin supplement? I do not want to drink the soap by mistake.
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