Bush reveals new missile defenses, Guided Weapon Back To Launching Pad

Rest easy, America, even when we contemplate the flight of North Korea reduced the erring, but one day, hopefully, long-range Taepodong 2 missile - a name that, if the nation ever decide to enter the election campaign the capitalist does not sound like a very promising name for a new car.

In the wake of the launch of seven missiles miscalculated by North Korea, including a Taepodong 2, President Bush told reporters in an exclusive interview with Larry Wing, "We have a missile defense system to defend our country. We do not just knock down the enemy missile. We driving back where it came from. So who launches a missile against the United States of America best light, because it will soon be on their way back to the first point. "

The revelation of the innovative system of missile defense stunned Mr. Wing. "I thought we were still trying to perfect the system of Star Wars initiated by President Reagan, where, if we're lucky, we can at least reduce an enemy missile. But bring you to the launch pad? This is the first time I heard about it."

'Well, Larry, as you know, I'm the President, and as such I hear about things like this, even before a reporter refined and flattering as it is done. "

"They told me," said Larry Wing. "Mind if I ask how?"

"I have not the faintest idea," Bush said, "but the military has assured me that we have the ability."

"When I was working on this new missile defense?" Mr. Wing asked.

"Actually, I have all the credit," Bush said.

"How?" Mr. Wing asked, amazed. "I did not know that you are a type of missile defense guy."

"I am not, technically speaking. But I was spending so much money in Iraq, one of our tech missile did more reflective thinking, because only a missile strike in the middle of the air and waste all that explosive power. Think of the money we'd save if we could turn around the payload and send it back to the enemy. Once he had the idea, I realized it was unable to process joystick to guide the program in less than five minutes. "

"Really, how reliable is this new system?"

"All I can say is, the development of missiles is not the way to go to more counties. They're wasting their time and, in light of our new missile defense, are, to think of it, indirectly, aiming their missiles smack dab themselves. Now this is what I call a deterrent. "

"I say," said Wing. "I wonder how North Korea and Iran will respond to this news?"

"I believe that taking place," he said. "And everything that makes America safer is something that I am, especially when you also save on the cost of TNT or enriched uranium. The only thing I can think of cheaper would be to guide the missile to a air bases our strength for a soft landing, so you can just point the enemy back for future use. If one of our technical guys figure a way, I get credit for the idea, too, because now is the first time I thought. And you are my witness, right? "

"Yes, sir," Larry agreed. "Wow, innovative with a president like you in the Oval Office, I sleep much better at night."

"Thank you. Frankly, I'm up all night. But I'm going for a lot 'of time sleeping during the day."

With this, glassy eyes closed and then dropped.

"Mr. President?" Wing asked. "Oh, Mr. President?"

But the Pres did not move.

So Mr. Wing turned to the camera and says: "I think it is, folks. I can interview someone, but I have a difficult time, when my host conks out."

Sweet Trap

Last week, I came across a voice chat room, which was full of impressive nicknames. From the beginning, I started to notice an Asian female because of her captivating voice and her interesting way of telling love stories. "It must be a very pretty girl," I thought.

He was a talented storyteller. I kept wondering how he could master almost everything about our world as if it were a male writer of Askmen.com, online men's magazine offers tips on dating, secrets of love, relationships and health. Tips and advice sex are perfectly transferred to her companions.

After a few minutes of listening to his lectures, I decided to chat with you individually. She was not as shy as a traditional Chinese as I should. He said he lived in Boston, and this has prompted me to propose a date with her. However, before this, I asked permission to see his face through the web cam. Blacks hair, big eyes and a voluptuous body are the ones I thought her appearance at that time.

"Why d'ya like to see my web cam?" She asked.
"Why 'I like to see a star shining in the sky"
"But I'm not as attractive as you are thinking," she laughed.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I always believe in my senses inform me that I'm talking to a beautiful lady", once again I flirt with her, forgetting that he had just taught others some tips on dating.
"You'd better keep that good image in your mind," she said.

Finally, my words without end its wing and hit the other end of the line, laughed, agreeing to show me up. I was too anxious to see a face expected.

My eyes were widely opened. I could not believe what I was looking at. There was a smiling face in the male webcam. Beyond my imagination, "she" was a very young man. Although shocked, I tried to think he was joking. I wondered how a guy could speak in a voice so sweet. I'm straight, I told the truth. This was, he was using a software called Voice Changer disguise his voice.

Before we stopped, he did not forget to remind me not to tell everyone in the room to chat about his identity.

You are an animal!

I am a weary man city with a polluting old car, a sore back, the endless bills and threatening letters almost daily from the IRS.

I go to work, where I'm also under threat. Sales are not enough.

I could be terminated? What will I do?

The sales meeting in the office begins.

Suddenly, I'm flying through the trees on a vine as "Jungle Lad," rippling muscles as I try to swoop down and scoop "Marian Pure Heart, milk skin, voluptuous, D-cup girl dressed in rags and skimpy skirt safari. In my house on a tree, I have under my power.

She looks at my huge, almost naked from the waist (I'm wearing a string of leopard skin), sweat dripping from my giant biceps button. We're both sweating, chest (almost as impressive as mine) throbbing with desire.

Gnash their teeth.

Breathless, she says, "Take me! Throws me on the bed (I have a zebra skin for a bed).

I rip her clothes off like combining our passion, pulsating, rotating meat moans of pleasure button accompanied by the trumpets of elephants and various beasts of the jungle below.

Suddenly, I'm a hiker, walking with a female naturalist, a guy who wears heavy glasses bookwormish blacks, with a modest missionary skirt, blouse and beige pith helmet. We camp, set up separate tents atop a Peruvian mountain.

I'm slowly removing my sweat-stained cotton, a native of hand-woven "Yuk-Fungoo" Tibetan shirt Sherpa mountain guide (all in the Andes should have one). The bones of my body to punish the evil, almost straight-up trip of twenty miles.

Suddenly, tearing through the canvas flap door, and jumps into the air above me. As a prey animal, a female panther, I out of my suit. It throws away the skirt and glasses, and she is no longer the dowdy, chaste, English housewife, looking for her long lost husband naturalist, but a sex-hungry Amazon.

Floats rhythmically together as one.

"You're an animal!" Cries.

Suddenly, I'm a bad boy to be held after class by a teacher of mathematics, a tall woman, somewhat 'sinister and seductive, with a great body, eyes me with an evil eye. Flicks his tongue obscenely through his teeth barred. He holds a ruler in her hand suggestively.

Is going to teach me a lesson.

One that will not soon forget.

"Mr Sammon!"

Esco stunned with a start.

"Mr. Sammon. If you are paying attention to these figures?"

My boss, JD, is next to an arrow that represents the drop in sales .... Marked on a paper card large.

"Oh, yes JD I'm right with you '."

I smile. I just said that to make him happy.

What I really want is to get back to nature.

Superstitious? Not Me, Touch Wood

My mother was incredibly superstitious. She was always throwing the salt on his back, crossing his fingers or the hand spells for luck. Particularly strong in my mind are two rhymes that would have said out loud whenever the occasion demanded. The first was seeing a pin drop, "See a pin and pick it up and all day you will have good luck .. This had to be said in haste because apparently you were not breathing while bending down to pick up the pin and singing the rhyme. As I was able to determine, the days when my mother was lucky to find a pin How many were not lucky. Save for the discovery of the pin is. In my opinion, the verse would have been more accurate if it went like this: "See a pin and pick it up and all day you will have a pin." It would have been much more sense.

I remember the second verse is sung every time my mother saw a white horse. The verse was usually sung aloud again, who was present, while wetting a finger and drag in the form of a cross on a shoe. The verse went like this: "white horse, black horse, bring me luck, today or tomorrow I'll pick something up." The "something" in the verse was non-specific, probably referring to a pin. Or that a virus or lick your fingers dirty.

I'm not superstitious, but I do routinely count the magpies, when they gather in the field outside my window, mentally running through the song from the 1970 program of their children as I count. I say that the number of magpies can not affect my life how it will end, but I can not help it. It is a compulsion that I have obviously taken from my mother.

The problem here is that I am a bit 'confused about the rules for counting the magpies. Do you count the magpies seen in one sitting, so to speak? Or is the method of collection? You tot up all the magpies is detected in a day? I can not find it anywhere on the internet that explains this. And as the rhyme is to be interpreted? One and Two are quite explicit, as well as three and four if you know someone who is pregnant. But five for silver? I'll have to find some small change - or come second in an Olympic event? This is a great range.

However I see a lot of magpies, and whatever method I choose to count it, my luck never seems to change. To be honest I had a pretty cruddy time of it lately so maybe it's supposed to count in binary ...

1 for pain, 1 for pain, 1 for the pain ...

Tax Quotes and Jokes for Tax Season

Like death, paying taxes is inevitable. In the case of most Americans, tax season is just around the corner. If only the payment of taxes was so easy.

When you start pulling out those receipts, the eraser and reading plain English tax instructions that Einstein could not understand, you're going to need a good laugh. Here:

1. I am proud to pay taxes in the United States. The only thing is - I could be just as proud for half the money.

2. People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.

3. Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.

4. The best measure of a man of honesty is not his income tax return. E 'zero adjustment on his bathroom scale.

5. Next to be fired and missed, nothing is really as satisfying as an income tax refund.

6. A tax loophole is something that benefits the other guy. If your benefit is tax reform.

7. Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out a form of income tax.

8. What is the difference between a mosquito and an IRS agent? One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.

9. It would be nice if everyone could pay their taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required.

10. The deficit is the difference between the amounts of money the government spends and the amount it has the courage to pick up.

11. Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one where you can get an automatic extension

12. What Mae West said about sex is true for taxes. All tax cuts tax cuts are good, even bad tax cuts are good tax cuts,

13. The federal income tax system is a disgrace to the human race. - Jimmy Carter

If nothing else, it's good to know that a former president of the United States feels the same way about taxes as you. If only someone would agree to a flat tax, millions of Americans could do without the aggravation and stress of filing taxes each year.

Eternal Wit

Who said, "You can not take it with you" was obviously not referring to a sense of humor ...

Here is a current list of epitaphs from departed souls who apparently had more to say than time to say, or their next of kin, who wanted to be sure that literally had the last word:

On the tomb of Ezekiel Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies
Ezekiel Aikle
Age 102
The Good Die Young.

In one, the cemetery London England:

Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
December 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon
Not to increase.

Memory of an accident in one, Uniontown Pennsylvania cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays Butch,
We first planted.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:

Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has many titles of property
wife, and yearns to be comforted.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange
"Here lies an honest lawyer,
And this is strange.

Someone decided to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:

I was somebody.
Who is not a business
Your.

Lester Moore was a Wells Fargo station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of 1880. He is buried in Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.

In a Georgia cemetery:

"I told you I was sick!"

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England cemetery:

Reader, if you cash
In the absence of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And you find a Penny.

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery in Richmond, Virginia:

He always said
her feet were killing
but nobody believed her.

In a cemetery Hartscombe, England:

On June 22
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:

Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It was not the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of things he did leave.

Here is more fun with names, this time with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:

Gone
OWIN 'more
Than he could pay.

Someone in Winslow, Maine did not like Mr. Wood:

In Memory of Beza Wood
This life
November 2, 1837
Aged 45 years.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
A wood
Within another.
Wood exterior
It is very good:
We can not praise
Others.

On a grave from 1880 in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:

Who was fatally burned
21 March 1870
explosion of a lamp
filled with "RE Danforth's
Non-explosive liquid that burns "

Here Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

Born 1903 - Died 1942
Looked at the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.
E 'state.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an atheist
All clothes
And nowhere to go.

But he did make calls home? Dr. Fred Roberts, Brookland, Arkansas:

Office hours upstairs

Hopefully.

I'll Get Up in just a minute

Are you one of those people who wake up in the morning, fresh and sing with joy the beginning of a bright new day?

Well, most of us are not. And frankly, we prefer those of you who could pull the racquet. We are trying to get some 'last minute before tottering off to sleep to get our morning coffee.

Those final minutes in bed are gold.

You know those I mean, the last precious moments, still warm in bed, wide awake and knowing you have to get up. But not immediately. No, just a few minutes more.

For this reason the snooze button on the alarm clock is so popular. People simply do not want to get out of bed in the morning. Especially children. Anyone who has tried to drag out a 9 years, out of bed at 7:30 to prepare a school day is 08:30 AM exactly know what I mean.

But even for adults, overcoming the inertia may be a year ago (and I use that term with its loosest possible meaning) of procrastination insidious.

Fortunately for my family, we have an almost foolproof system to overcome this problem daily. We call our system "The Dogs".

The way it works is that Doug, our larger, main dog, wakes up early at 6:30, sitting at my bedside and put his paw on my back. We call this, "Give the paw."

The process works like this:

Doug:

Me: "Ok Doug, nice guy."

Ten seconds pass.

Doug:

Me: "Okay, Doug. Ok.

Another ten seconds passed.

Doug: ...

Me: "Coming Doug to come."

Fifteen seconds.

Doug:

At this point there is an air of frantic insistence of Doug trampling. The message is clear, or I get to carry it out or suffer the consequences.

Now, Doug is a £ 85 Labrador Retriever, and he is capable of producing some pretty heavy consequences.

Rather than face the prospect of scraping accordingly £ 3 off the drawing room carpet, drag me out of bed to take him out.

A careful reader will remember that I used the term "Dogs" to describe our automatic alarm system.

The careful reader may also assume that there is a second dog involved in this process in the unlikely event that Doug does not produce the desired result.

The careful reader is entirely correct. Zippy, our second dog, is not as subtle and restrained like Doug when it comes to announce its morning needs.

While Doug can sit demurely beside the bed and indicate his wishes with a paw caring, Zippy will go up on the bed, stick his wet nose in my face, ear or eye, whichever is most convenient given and sneezing.

This method has never failed to elicit the desired response. It has some obvious advantages to the method of Doug, although for obvious reasons, I prefer Doug system to Zippy's.

In both cases, we are now ready to begin our day.

The following poem was written after commiserating with another family member who wanted to stay in bed for a couple of those precious minutes this morning.

I'll Get Up in just a minute

Every morning when I wake up slowly
I like staying in bed
Ignoring all thoughts that skip
And clamor in my head.
The everyday actions that must be done
The challenges will keep,
The committees have to run many
All drag me from my sleep.
I try to close your eyes again
And repossess my dreams,
But giving, to achieve the chore
Schemes of life in the face.

On The Road Again - A middle-aged couple try Mountain Bike

My wife and I need to exercise more. Every time we go out we see vultures turning heads in advance and now our washing machine is doing that bad, where shrinking our clothes. So in a moment of pure inspiration and absolutely no intelligent thought whatsoever, we decided to start mountain biking. You might remember as children by bicycle and there was nothing to it. We bought our bikes with the affectionate remembrance of a cool breeze blowing gently in the face.

One of the first things we notice is that the seats are too small. It seems that younger people are doing in our youth. The employee smirks knowingly and suggests that, for mountain bikers more mature may attach foam padding. There is obviously an additional charge. My wife chose the extra padding and is currently running on what looks like a bucket seat from a 1967 Buick. I, on the other hand, decided to reduce additional costs and go without the padding. My proctologist told me that the tingling in my left buttock should eventually disappear.

Early Saturday morning we prepare for our adventure by bike first. We decide to leave early to make sure we'll be back before dark. My wife is traveling back and wear a bum bag with sunscreen, a first aid kit and our medical insurance cards. Its task is to set the pace. My job is to follow the back and criticize. I'll bring a backpack filled with: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (for subsistence), energy bars (for resistance), 2 jugs of Gatorade (to replenish body fluids), rain gear (in case of bad weather) a map and compass (in case you get lost), a flashlight (in case we got lost at night) and flares (to assist the research team).

We go the route one last time. I spread the map on the kitchen table, pointer in hand. "This is the path to be taken, so be careful. If you have questions, now is the time to ask."

I closely examine emergency procedures. "If we separate, we will be meeting here at the check-point Charlie, or here, at the check-point Romeo.

"We've been four times already on this, my wife complains, of course, the whole adventure taking too lightly and not showing respect for my advanced training and experience. After all, was the one who has spent nearly two years integers in the Cub Scouts, not her. Fortunately, I realized the seriousness of the task ahead and took the necessary precautions.

We are finally ready to put our weeks of training and preparations to use. It 's time to venture forward and boldly go where no sane man or woman of middle age predecessor - it's time to leave our street.

Short children. "Now remember, while we're gone I want one of you to stay near the phone at any time when we need assistance."

'But you're just going around the block ", the kids complain. "The house in sight all the time."

Ah, the innocence of youth. They oversimplify everything.

People Montana: Weird special in their own way

We have all heard of strange people living in Montana, the Unabomber, the militia of freedom, the poor sods stuck in the Federal Witness Protection Program.

I assure you most people in Montana are friendly, kind, reasonably sane, and will go out of their way to lend a hand to strangers.

Now, I'm a cynical Californian transplanted to Montana. I can not help but feel suspicious of outsiders useful.

Oh, the employee wants to volunteer the use of his truck to pull a new desk in my house, does it? Back off! I know how to use your pepper spray!

This actually happened, threats and black pepper sprays.

I bought a desk at the local Staples, and then I realized that there was no way to get to my apartment. The clerk offered to throw in my place, free of charge and after working hours.

No, he was hitting on me! The boy was at least sixty years. He volunteered because I need help. His offer unattached members blew me away.

In desperation, I agreed. He delivered his desk as promised, said: "glad I could help," and left.

"Weird," I breathed. "What's wrong with these people?"

The clerk admirable attitude is commonly found throughout Montana. Even children are reasonably polite and helpful.

After three years of life here, however, remain cautious. You can take the girl out of California, but you can not take pepper spray out of the girl.

The communities in this state are strongly family-oriented. Community BBQ is located in a park near my house during the summer. July Fourth picnic, duck races (do not ask), current church socials, if the event is safe family fun happening here.

I do not attend these functions.

I have relatives born-again Christian in this state should be allowed by law. A relative is usually linked to any community event takes place.

If I go into one of these events, I will be expected to attend each subsequent event. If I can not do it, all my relatives knock on my door at the same time find out why.

The above is an example of how communities are cohesive. Most people here are hardworking, conservative Bible-Thumpers. The main topics of conversation are: huntin 'and Fishin', church, children, family in general, and farming.

For those of us more liberal minded, unmarried, childless, non-breeders, and disapprove of the hunt 'and Fishin' any chance of conversation is limited.

nice people, but a little boring.

Madmen Montana is famous for, however, exist.

A large muscular man lumbered into the local humane society, while I was there recently. caked with dried mud on his boots. Blacks hair draped her shoulders. He wore a leather coat and wool over the flannel shirt and jeans. The coat smelled as if it were just off the back of a buffalo.

He asked for his voice growling dog, frightening lightning in his eyes. His hunting dog was brought back from the cages.

The woman behind the desk said the man needed to purchase a license for his dog. He asked why. Each dog had to be approved. It 's the law.

The man burst into an impassioned speech about how the dog licensing was another joke by the Government of evil squash our freedom. He mentioned something mind control. His muscles seemed to grow along with the eerie light in the eye.

I'm the man away while I filled out a form for a new license for my dog. Every woman behind the desk kept a friendly smile fixed on his face. The older woman held her hand on the phone.

The man then grabbed a form of license and stalked out of the office, the poor fellow victims, and took with him his stench.

What can you say after such an exit? I hope the boy is very happy to scratch the ground with his fellow buffalo.

Montana weirdoes of all shapes, sizes, smells, and personality, but then people do worldwide.

God bless the weirdoes to make life colorful.

You're not on Mute, You Know

I'm multitasking. This is why I love the mute button when on a conference call at my house. It allows me to get some small tasks done, that my dog in and out of the house and take comment go to the host without the wise one.

I say things like;

"I agree".
"I'm with you."
"You're right."

Sometimes I say things like:

"It can not be right."
"Well, I do not put it that way."
"I do not agree with you."

Such was the case last night, during a conference call. However, I began to notice something different about this call. As always, I said a few words about myself when I saw and immediately muted. Then it was as if there were technical difficulties. The landlord seemed as if talking in a tunnel. I thought that strange but things happen. The call became stranger. In my commentary, to myself, I ask questions that seemed the host anticipated. I thought, "Wow. This guy is really great. He anticipates any question someone might ask."

Finally, in an attempt to drive his point home, he made an analogy involving a first car. He said: "Imagine your first car. And 'a stick shift with a clutch and a guide to the top of a hill and then what happens?"

I replied, from silent 'Well, obviously you start to slide down the hill. "

The host laughed, "You can do but no, you earth gas."

Then I met. The most horrible sensation washed over me.

"I'm not dumb I am?"

"No, I'm mute."

This time together on the conference call, as my unfiltered thoughts are spouting out of my mouth, people from across the nation who are listening. Suits had betrayed me. What was my ally conference call was nothing but a nightmare. I instinctively pulled the call.

What I found to be very, very strange that it was said that a person could feel. It would be good if someone had said, "You're not dumb, you know." Or "I hear you." So I wondered, even if they are in the privacy of my home and On Mute Where No I can hear, is always a good idea to let the thoughts flow out of your mind unfiltered and say out loud?

I learned my lesson. From now on, I would mute the phone and myself when on a conference call. And in the future, do me a favor? If you come across someone who seems to be chatter for no apparent reason except for their voices heard, I remind you gently, "You're not dumb, you know." I know I will.

Rush Limbaugh Humor: 2 Adult Beverage Recipes Any Dittohead Will Love

During his celebrated career, Rush Limbaugh invented the term "adult beverages" to refer to alcoholic beverages so as not to offend mothers with young children listening to the show. But no insight was given on where to find the best drinks for adults dittohead. That's why I created the Dittohead's Guide to adult beverages, a book of political humor of the show fans will love.

Just try these great recipes:

Environmentalist wacko WHISKEY

Glass: Your cup Own Hands

Ingredients:

1 Part Triple Sec (until it was made in a factory in bad company)
2 shares Whiskey (homemade by Sierra Club members in a distillery earth-friendly)
1 Part Grain Alcohol (flammable liquid used by the Earth Liberation Front burning SUVs)
A Frozen Pond (the result of any number of manmade environmental disasters)
1 Dolphin (the crown of creation, according to environmentalist wackos)

Instructions: First, cut some ice cubes from the surface of a frozen pond (these should be plentiful due to the effect smog blocking the sun in preparation for the coming ice age). Do not use a freezer to produce ice, freezer because I am a first cousin capitalist-invented the worst enemy of mankind - the air conditioner. Then, combine the ingredients (along with your cubic tin) in your cupped hands. Do not you dare use a glass instead of your hands, because the process of glass production destroys Mother Earth.

Origin: This adult beverage is named in honor of environmentalist wackos, a fringe movement (as distinct from people responsible for ecology-minded and serious) who believes that humanity is the greatest threat to nature, to destroy private property, and want to establish a socialist regime to impose their nuttiness on the rest of us.

Special Note: environmentalist wackos for years have told us that dolphins are superior to humans - despite the absence of dolphin highways, libraries or institutions of higher education. But for all their supposed brilliance, I defy any wacko environmentalist to find a dolphin that can make a good adult beverage like this!

EL RUSHBO

Glass: a highball glass decorated with the logo of the EIB Network

Ingredients:

Part 1 Rum (share the first two letters of his name with Rush!)
2 shares Blue Gatorade (consumed while playing a round of golf in honor of Rush)
Sprite 2 shares (in recognition of capitalist society lemon-lime soda)
1 Chair Prestigious Attila (symbolic domain of radio industry)
The talent on loan from God (because the Liberals have no chance against El Rushbo)

Instructions: Using the talent on loan from God (assuming that, unlike most liberals, is to recognize the existence of God), combine ingredients in a highball glass decorated with the logo of the EIB and top with whipped cream (but Please use the whipped cream in this drink recipe for adults, the way Rush and not use it in the way Bill Clinton used). Enjoy the confines of his comfortable chair Attila the Hun, the undisputed headquarters of the energy sector talk-radio.

Origin: This adult beverage dittohead is affectionately named in honor of Rush Limbaugh - lover of mankind, the patron of motherhood, fatherhood advocate (in most cases), general all around good guy, and a man appointed by the Ministry of 'Education in the United States as a' weapon of mass education of good faith. "

Special Note: This drink is documented for adults almost always taste great, 96.712 percent of the time, just like El Rushbo is documented to be almost always right, 97.963 percent of the time!

Marriage and Parenting

Marriage and parenthood are highly demanding skills among the few that there are no qualifications, and for which no previous experience is necessary, and for which people just assume they're doing well, making much of it as going on .

Sounds like the government.

No knowledge is required. Okay, take a marriage license meaningless piece of paper bureaucracy, paying a small fee. But no one asks, "Are you an idiot?"

"You have an income?"

You are not required to pass a test, how do I obtain a driving license.

For example, a multiple choice test like this:

1. If your wife overcooked pasta, right?

A. beat her.

B. Yell

C. Say, "eat."

D. All of the above.

No evidence is required that. Is it any wonder so many marriages fail? You do not know what the hell you are doing. Probably married in the first place because you want what you thought would be some constant, great sex. But sex alone is not going forward, and when the children appear ...?

In a one-child family, there is a real possibility that you'll be spoiled child and the child has one parent against the other. If that child is a girl, she could become girlfriend and father to challenge the mother.

If your child is a boy, could become a mama's boy and compete for the attention of the mother against the father, the famous Oedipus complex.

The father could be exiled from the care of his wife while she dotes on the boy, or vice versa.

There are millions of combinations.

Since marriage and parenthood can have a profound impact on not only your life, but up to eight others (if you want more children Than you this already crazy), do something similar.

Let's fly a spaceship with no knowledge of the equipment. It 'a disaster waiting to happen.

Okay, call me negativity, a pessimist. But before we do, how many marriages last? There are a few.

Okay! Here's something that nobody, no marriage counselor, no priest ever speaks .... EVOLUTION. Your new spouse will not be the person in twenty years that he or she is today. I'm not the same person today I was in 1980.

NO .... I say no one ever ... .. sits down and tells the other person what they expect from this person from the get-go.

And if so, how do you know what they want in twenty years?

Couples grow apart, because they change. The dinosaurs could not adapt to changing conditions. You can?

Whatever attractions (mostly physical, sometimes money, usually no heart or character) which brought together, will withstand decades of hits, family deaths, the failure of his career, alienation, overwork, abuse of substances, health problems, and petty irritations that only grow with time.

Your husband scratching his balls, and that crazy, but you do not know when she married him.

Do not try to speak for women, but I would warn you guys. At this time, your new husband thinks you're a sexy Venus. Can not bear to be away from you. But after a couple had children, stop being the bad guy, fox sexy drove him wild. You will be the mother of his children.

He'll elevate to sainthood.

Who wants to have sex with a saint?

This disease has killed the sex drive of many men, including Elvis Presley.

It is said that the killer sex holiness particularly affect people who attended the birth of their child.

I liken marriage to a joint exercise in common between two people, full of hope. About the same percentage of new marriages fail. Failed firms were hired to run out of money and without adequate knowledge of the market.

The marriage failed because no one can look at the warts on the person.

"Yes, he is a selfish asshole, but it certainly is beautiful."

In twenty years, will probably be less beautiful, but perhaps no less shooting.

KNOW who you're married!

I finish with sage advice of an old lady.

"I love 'em and you hate' em, but I love you more 'em more than you hate' em."

That said, I wish you a happy marriage.

© Copyright 2006 by SammonSays.com

Down To Earth

1. When was the first Earth Day celebrated?
A. March 21, 1970
B. April 22, 1970
C. May 21, 1970
D. June 22, 1970

A. March 21, 1970
QQ: First celebrated in the U.S. on this date was celebrated each year at the United Nations, bringing attention to its original purpose: peace, justice and care for the earth.

2. the world's first national park was initiated in 1872 in which country?
A. Corbett National Park in India
B. Kruger National Park in South Africa
C. Ordesa National Park in Spain
D. Yellowstone National Park USA

D. Yellowstone National Park USA
QQ: Yellowstone becomes the world's first national park in 1872. Since then the countries of the world have created more than 4000 national parks and preserves.

3. When was the first major international conference on environmental issues?
A. America
B. Great Britain
C. China
D. Sweden

D. Sweden
QQ: The first major international conference on environmental issues was held in Stockholm, Sweden, in 1972 and was sponsored by the United Nations.

4. Where was the wildlife refuge was formed in 1903?
A. Mai Po Marsh Reserve in Hong Kong
B. Pelican Island National Wildlife Refuge in Florida, USA
C. Elk Island National Park in Alberta, Canada
D. Virunga National Park in the Democratic Republic of Congo

B. Pelican Island National Wildlife Refuge in Florida, USA
QQ: Founded in 1925, Virunga National Park is the oldest wildlife park in Africa and Elk Island National Park was established in 1913.

5. Why choose founder John McConnell on March 21 as Earth Day?
A. March Vernal Equinox
B. His birthday
C. It 'was the only date free home party
D. March need more holidays

A. March Vernal Equinox
QQ: He though using the first day of spring in the northern hemisphere to be a good date to celebrate the earth.

6. Who is the patron saint of ecologists?
A. San Francisco
B. Saint Patrick
C. Valentine
D. Saint Nick

A. San Francisco
QQ: In 1980, Pope John Paul II proclaimed him patron saint of ecologists. In art, the emblems of St. Francis are the wolf, lamb, fish, birds, and the stigmata.

7. A desire to environmental change has led to the creation of various political parties around the world whose focus was largely on environmental protection. What are these organizations collectively known as?
A. Blue shares
B. Granolas
C. Tree Huggers
D. Green shares

D. Green shares
QQ: Want to know why?

8. Who made the first proclamation of Earth Day?
A. The city of San Francisco
B. The U.S. Congress
C. Druids
D. The United Nations

A. The city of San Francisco
QQ: The first proclamation of Earth Day was in San Francisco, the city of St. Francis, patron saint of ecology.

9. Twenty years after the Stockholm Conference, the UN held what is popularly known as the "Earth Summit" in which country?
A. Australia
B. Brazil
C. China
D. Denmark

B. Brazil
QQ: The UN Conference on Environment and Development was held in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, in 1992 and was the largest gathering of world leaders in history.

10. A highlight of the annual Earth Day ceremony at the United Nations is the sound of the Peace Bell. The Peace Bell is a gift from which country?
A. France
B. Japan
C. Sweden
D. United States

B. Japan
QQ: The Peace Bell is a gift from Japan. It 'was made from coins given by school children to promote peace on our planet. Earth Day Peace Bell rings at the time of spring.

11. Where was Greenpeace, an international environmental organization dedicated to preserving the natural resources of the planet and its diverse plant and animal based?
A. Canada
B. Great Britain
C. Italy
D. Indonesia

A. Canada
QQ: Greenpeace was founded in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, in 1971.

12. When is the real Earth Day?
A. March
B. April
C. June
D. All previous

D. All previous
QQ: John McConnell argues that Equinox is in March, while Senator Gaylord Nelson says it is April 22. The United Nations marks the date of March, while many governments mark the month of April. There is also a World Environment Day, June 6. Any day, week or month to choose, in all more than 500 million people in over 180 countries at local events and projects to address environmental issues.

Saddam Hussein calls on McDonald's Francaise

Saddam Hussein, in his latest attempt to escape execution for crimes against his own people, asked for a McDonald's franchise. The application is widely regarded as a move of his defense team to convince the court that, if spared his life, he will be a model citizen in the future Iraq.

In its appeal, says Hussein, who has wide experience of fast food from his months on the run. He also states that, if granted relief, will cease and desist from pathological social behavior that calls into question his qualifications to be a franchisee reputation. He asked for a position in Baghdad, which offers a view of one of his former palaces, so he could find peace in memory of engaging in his hamburger.

After approval by McDonald's, the agreement will be submitted to the court. At that time, the defense is expected to say that he must be acquitted on the grounds that there is no precedent whatsoever for hanging a McDonald's franchise.

Depending on the outcome of the plea Hussein, his co-defendants may or may not apply to McDonald's. There is some disagreement between them, like whether they should try to corner the market of McDonald's or have the courage to compete with the chains opening their former chief rivals such as Burger King and Wendy's. A suspect is reportedly considering an Appleby's franchise, apparently because of a misunderstanding. He wants one day to be accepted as "American as apple pie" and is aware that the chain is in fact just another burger joint.

Member Ramsey Clark "Hussein's move to become a McDonald's franchisee who clearly intends to reform itself and should be given the opportunity."

While many Sunnis seem eager to attend the restaurant of the former dictator, Shiites and Kurds are threatening to boycott it.

The U.S. military has expressed concern about possible reprisals, in particular the threat of suicide bombers disguised as drive-through patrons.

The Puppet illogical to Iran the chance to get the little guy a better script?

First, we learned to speak and write the name of the puppet Armadinejad. Not exactly Smith. Then we saw perform on the knees of a cunning mullahs. We have been patient, as any fair-minded public, but the more you listen, the more we realize that the puppet is a script that simply makes no sense.

Raises a hand and, without the mullahs seem to move his mouth, he has practiced ventriloquist, Armadinejad little threat to "wipe Israel off the map" and blusters against anyone in the audience that we disagree with its absurdly impossible goal obtain. Did not have time to do what he raises his hand and announces that he is entitled to nuclear technology, but only for peaceful purposes.

The public is finally beginning to lose patience with the show nonsense, but dangerous. Some audience members became so alarmed that they are stamping their feet and asking for a new script. Some have even said that if they can not get a decision to demolish the small puppet theater.

Poor little Armadinejad. We certainly would not want a tragic thing to happen to him and just because he was not given a good script.

In fact, everything that can be said back to the audience dares threatening fragmented by the change of name of his country, as in "I raced? Was performed? Who ran?"

Therefore, we must turn to the company of puppeteers turban who provided the script. We assume you are allowing to continue his performance illogical because they think that their survival depends anachronistic theocracy demonize the West and thus distanced from their people truly beneficial revolutionary ideas that would overturn their rule, in general, ' illumination, freedom, democracy, and a hot nightlife, where men and women really go together. And the little Armadinejad is consistent with provocative bravado, doing an outstanding job for them.

We can understand their urgency. Are living in a world which, especially in the West, operated largely out of the projection of the Middle Ages. However, the domain you have imposed on their people depends on maintaining a tenuous medieval mentality. Meanwhile, their enclave is constantly dark and very annoyingly were influenced by flashes of modernity unwelcome, sometimes substantially as the content of the Internet, the trinkets of frivolous road show in Hollywood, and general behavior of free nations.

We assume that the puppeteers are in fact so pleased by the performance of the puppet who decided is doing very well with a script illogical.

I'm worried about the consequences more explosive? At one point, of course. But we also suspect that their belief over life denying that they will all be in heaven, if they can auto-switch the nation is exerting its influence risky subliminal.

Since the distance makes the mullahs feel safer, what, we must ask, is the probability that they will provide a new script for the little guy and maybe cancel his appearances until they do? Knowing the depth of their anxiety, we can not be waiting too.

So we turn to the people who finally put up and we decided to keep the show, the Iranian people. Since they were under the dominion of darkness for decades, and now I'm inspirited That feel their pride mingles with the defiance puppet is windy, what hope is there that they will demand a new script or close?

We're just telling ourselves a story of hope that the nation anyone appallingly bad management is in charge of the puppet show the first results in challenging the public so that brought the house down?

If the past is prologue, of course, there are. What a sad outcome for us, for the Iranians in general and also for the puppets and their puppeteers unfortunate intensely paranoid.

Self appointed Rumsfeld retired general, he rushes to defense

Donald Rumsfeld, under fire from a platoon of retired generals who called for his resignation, went to attack by appointing himself a retired general.

Accompanied by a current general employees, who, as head of the Joint Chiefs of staff, is his usual shoulder, said: "As Minister of Defense, I think we should at least be on an equal footing with a retired general, and, after careful consideration, I decided to become one. "

A reporter then asked: "As a retired general, what is your opinion about Donald Rumsfeld?"

"I think he's doing a great job," Rumsfeld replied. "Actually, I think, as I said that no one is indispensable, there is always an exception to the rule."

"How about his handling of the war in Iraq?" Another reporter asked.

"What the war in Iraq?" Rumsfeld countered. "The war in Iraq was during the day we pulled down the statue of Saddam Hussein. What is happening now is the post-war recovery.

"There are some who say they underestimated the resources that would be needed in post-war period. You can comment on this?"

"As a retired general, the post-war scenario is not my specialty. On the other hand, as the Secretary of Defense, I can say that while I used all my absolutely first-rate estimates are not clairvoyant . Therefore, I could not know in advance how many Sunnis, who were better under Saddam's tyranny, would rather destroy their country to live in peace with the Shia majority. Because he could not know that the two warring Muslim factions destabilize its country, could not foresee what we should seek to establish stabilization. Nor could I predict how many members of Al Qaeda would come in quickly and try to make the country self-destabilized the next frontier of their suicidal purpose of establishing a pan-medievalist Arab Islamic tyranny. "

"Want to change something in hindsight?" Another reporter asked.

"Sure, I would. Like everyone, I have clairvoyant hindsight. Firstly, I would have done a retired general for some time, so I could be the first to stand up for myself instead of taking all the potshots I had first realized how to divert them. Secondly, during the invasion, I would have dropped a ton of flyers against Iraq that predisposed people to peace. "

"What kind of flyers?" A reporter asked.

"Ones we, in the short term, was able to translate in their language with an English-Iraqi Shia + Sunni = Nice quiet country. Shias - Sunnis = Lots of dead."

"Do you think they would have flyers made the difference?" A reporter asked.

"Sure. While no paper is needed, would help these warring factions achieve if you can not live in peace with each other, we can not do anything, not kill each other."

The final question came from a journalist who asked: "Are you going to retire?"

"You missed the point" Secretary Rumsfeld said. "I have already retired. How do you think I became a retired general."

"I mean, you're going to retire as secretary of state?"

"I think a pension every decade or so is plenty, is not it?"

Conversation In an age of confusion

What about when everyone believes different things and nobody is sure what the other person believes?

Then add to that the usual courtesy that most people do not want to offend other people, especially when it comes to people, the arguments are not in agreement with the most intensity, such as politics and religion, that all but believe far more reckless limits, at least, in what is referred to as polite conversation.

In fact, silence is often much larger. Indeed, the silk muffler a feared indiscretion is wrapped around virtually every significant field of human thought, from philosophy to economics.

So what's left? Certain relatively safe topics, like poetry, unless you're among poets whose egos are hair-trigger ready to fire back their own preferences vehemently. The story could also be a good bet, since the overall story was pretty well agreed, unless, again, you're with historians who may be vibrating with their own disagreements.

The result? Default generally charming conversation topics like the weather. Many spend entire evenings discussing such substitute content a little entertainment or irrelevant spectacle after another. Things get really exciting when someone happens to remember how someone else may look tonight. Then there is always a bold storyteller who has sided with a value of evenings of sexual innuendo.

Listening to such excited vapidity, one's mind wanders to the legendary salons of France, at their epiphany, home, read for explicit conversation about headiest themes of time, generally focuses on new insights and old illusions of The Age of Reason.

In moments wandering, it is helpful, but not whether mankind can ever get to "Another time when it has enough beliefs in common to cheer ITS social occasions with conversations that really are interesting.

Senior crossed for walking too slow, others look for roller skates

A woman of 82 years, was recently issued a ticket to California to cross a road too slowly. A police officer who arrived on a motorcycle, said she was a hindrance to traffic - and issued her a citation for $ 114.

Responding to the uproar caused by the odd traffic ticket, the municipality began to wonder if it should develop ways to help the elderly cross streets without fear of penalty.

This is obviously too optimistic to hope that the municipality and the nation as a whole will accelerate their aid with such innovations surprising how few signs that last longer.

As a result, older people, alarmed at the mention pricy, especially those living on Social Security, are taking steps themselves, while frantically searching for ways to hurry along. Of course, electric wheelchairs have long been an option. But many simply do not recognize the elements undeniably useful, at least, until they encounter accidents due to other resources that have been turning, for example, roller skates.

We also understand that bicycles have sold briskly, especially in retirement communities.

Of course, those who are lucky enough to live with multiple partners can have the luxury of looking into other options, Such as a little red wagon and, in rural areas, and wheelbarrows.

In short, the elderly are addressed in all possible ways of shipping you can think of, which generally means they are equipped with the facilitation of old wheels.

While these alternative modes could provide appropriate responses during the warmer times, there is some concern about what to do when snow and ice cover the ground. Among the species most daring, it comes to skiing, while others are considering ice skates.

Until then, we can at least be satisfied that the recipient of the expensive ticket provocation was not even given points. Enough of these, and you should be worried about losing his way license.

The headless horseman of Mass Media: Information Everywhere, Nowhere Philosophy

Have you ever noticed that we are surrounded by information but almost never find an idea in the media that could help us lead a healthy life and happy? Oh, the usual puff of self-help on how to lose weight or enjoy sex, but the answers to the really big questions, like what to think about when you wake up the morning and like drinking water out of a plastic bottle without belching .

Try this experiment. The next time you go to your favorite newsstand, scan the front pages of all excited and smiling cover stories and try to find at least a proposal that addresses the biggest questions are about your life. We're not kidding around here. We are talking about the grand slam-dunk ideas that can really help to get away with a valuable degree of rationality and happiness.

Of course, one might think that everyone would know enough of these resources mental age of sixteen years or so, but, judging by the amount of madness and misery in the world, even among supposedly intelligent people, apparently very few people never to marshal their defenses against the tribulations of life and their inspiration to its pleasures.

For example, how about Spalding Gray, whose recent successful foray into the East River in New York, upset and depressed all of us? What was he thinking? Or a way back for another trip to the wrong river, take Robert Schumann, one of the brightest and most generous composers who ever lived. The soul became so distracted frantic and depressed, with a wife as pretty and accomplished as Clara, who walked in Reno in mid-February and after accidental survivor, asked to spend his last days in an asylum.

Obviously, there is a real need here for some manual labor. So, to help bridge the vapidity pervasiveness of the media regularly and wants nothing bad happens to you, precious reader, but in fact perpetual joy and hope, this we present twelve examples to help walk through life happy and healthy, at least, most of the time.

1. Do you think you were born to be healthy and happy. It helps you think better of what is behind everything.

2. To be healthy and happy, do great things, because it's fun, useful, and makes you feel good about yourself. E 'in general, but not always gratifying to be caring and can afford it, generous.

3. Let others believe what they want and just be happy that they have something that will help them get through this hard life, unless what they believe could harm someone else, especially to you. Then just leave. You can find more friends. If part of your family, waiting to see how loving their own.

4. Take care of your life and everything "made it" will take care of you, if anyone cares, providing of course that is healthy and happy enough for you to be concerned about, and we hope and trust it is. Otherwise, why birds sing, even though some of them, especially the chorus CAW-CAW, of course, never went to music school?

5. Be nice to everyone who is not completely worthless, because everyone else is at least as fragile and insecure as you are, no matter how big his mouth is or how inconsiderate and selfish he or she can be.

6. Remember Philosophy 101 and two great Ari generally neglected chestnuts. A: Happiness is more likely in the right direction if you lead your life according to reason ", rather than listen to the abundant variety of idiocy that are somehow still being in the world. Two: be guided by the golden rule is, avoid excess of any kind, especially since it is likely to get in trouble too.

Note, for example, how many people mess up their relationships, they do not know that the search for more and more generally leads to less, since reckless Rampage denies the value of the individual, which seems to be the only person can embrace and kiss. Also note the number of celebrities are dying twist spit of need, seemingly unaware that they need to infinity can know no satisfaction.

7. Keep the fullness of your life in mind and never let a detail person and to not drive you to distraction completely, even when the detail is the one you love, saying, "I just decided my happiness depends on translation and text. " Times like these are great to remember what your grandmother taught you: count your blessings.

8. Curse without feeling guilty. It 'a power that has never hurt anyone. And what are the words, but in reality it seems in the air? Do not forget the most forbidden word of all rhymes with luck.

9. In fact, I do not feel guilty of anything, unless you are so perverse that actually hurt someone else or on rare occasions, yourself. Then you should feel really guilty, unless, of course, the other person was trying to hurt you. Then you should feel fantastic to beat him or her out and he or she is the one that must feel really guilty.

To free from guilt, we recommend the following means original remedy your superego, which can unfortunately be parked on your ego flattened, like a cluster of internal objects that represent the most influential people in your past. Pretend they're in a jury box, observing you. They are probably not smiling and saying: "Do whatever you want, honey. We love you and just want you to be happy." No, they are probably scowling and wagging fingers, sternly advising: "Do not." O " How could you do? "

Now, here is the initial part of the remedy: a one time these judges oppressive upside down and bounce them on their heads.

This innovative tactic helps you realize that they are now only in your mind and therefore are within your control. You have "internalized", as Freud perpetually unhappy children internalized the primal father, with all its rules and annoying, as Siggy tells us, now deceased, but this terror stern is more powerful than ever, because in their minds, even looking their thoughts more embarrassing.

As you know, helping many people find guilt in a small space where you can breathe free based on their prying superegos garbage-truck-size their egos.

A simple way to kick ass in the primal father is to realize that being able to think of every alternative is the same dynamic that allows you to decide, noble or ignoble, what do you really like.

Who knows? With a little 'head bouncing persistent, one day you may be able to dismiss the entire jury.

10. Enjoy sex and alcohol. You were born to enjoy the first, and you need to enjoy the second.

Amazing how many people take responsibility for the fact that they want normal. Relax. You did not design the installation. Your task is just to live with it. Obviously, the nature believed in pleasure than any moralizing is likely to encounter, at least when he or she is speaking in public.

Secondly, ever noticed how people who do not drink are usually very tense and often have a clear understanding about the age of 40 lock-up, and out to the limit. Your body needs a good reliable way to relax, especially in a world of every day That is all set to stress even Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, and alcohol is more than pills what is good taste .

Just do not get drunk because you feel bad and maybe get arrested for DWI or kill an innocent person or another drunk who is driving toward you.

11. Do not worry, when the sun is extinguished. You have more immediate problems.

12. If you become overly concerned about what can you expect when the curtain comes down on your life, remember that many problems you had before you were born. If still concerned, consult happy and healthy tip number seven, sentence two.

Bonus idea. We have only twelve, but we have another great idea, alluded to achieve a comic effect, at the start, we can not resist sharing the good luck.

13. Like drinking from plastic bottles.

Surprisingly, there is a way to drink water from a plastic bottle without inhaling so much air you have to burp revoltingly three or four times. Surprisingly enough, there is also a way to drink soda from a large plastic bottle, bubbly as always flatter without the bottle becomes empty.

When you drink right out of a bottle of water, especially in Poland Spring, which, as you noted, has a hole so small that most think the company really does not want you to drink, just buy it. Place the circle on the lower lip so that the top of the curve is still exposed to air. Then it can rain, instead of sucking on it like a child desperately do with a nipple retention.

With large bottles of soda every time you pour a glass, press until there is very little air in and then put the cap. Now, there's hardly room to evaporate in the fizz. Certainly, the crushed, folded it in the refrigerator will be odd, but at least the stuff will stay bubbly hot.

Unfortunately, this trick does not work with resources of champagne, because obviously not available in plastic bottles, at least, not yet.

Suppose that you are now ready to face life, prepared for any eventuality that, if experience is any indication, will contain the usual mix of bloody devastation and unpredictable pleasures that if they think, is the main thing that makes life Mental jokingly interesting.

Chinese leader visits the United States Businesses For Sneakers

Hu Jintao, the leader of China, began his four-day trip to the United States doing something that made him feel at home. Landing in Seattle, has now been pushed to a Footlocker, where he purchased a pair of Nike sneakers. He proudly held them up to the camera, showing the label on the inside of the tongue, announcing, "Made in China".

"This is what fair trade is all," he said. "You give us things to do, and they do."

His next stop was at home with tasteful $ 100 million, Bill Gates gave a speech where friendly dinner. There was discussion whether it would have an equal time for a visit to Steve Jobs.

His trip includes the inevitable meeting with President Bush, which explains all the arguments must agree to disagree about, as the sensitive issue of human rights and whether or not Taiwan can somehow sewn in mainland China, like to share with the world supply of oil so you can keep both economies chugging ahead on the black gold of the Middle East, if China Might join us in curbing Iran's nuclear ambitions outrageously belligerent, if China could and Its Value Appropriately the first currency of our trade deficit with them completely transforms our own pockets inside out.

While one can quibble with the lack of progress the two are able to, just saw the gentleman, smiling and dressed in a suit and tie accommodating gives us some reason to hope that friendship and progress between the two nations will increase especially those of us who remember Mao and his monstrously debilitating ways, to the best potential of their people and to our nation now much maligned but persistently good intentions.

Gas prices Go "Gas-astronomical!"

Recently, the price of gas has risen about three or four times a day, depending on how strong is the person who goes and changes the price of your favorite filling station, until the word is only to wonder at the stars " Gas-astronomical! "

President Bush has taken a courageous stand on the issue, saying: "Americans understand the price of crude oil is increasing, but will not accept manipulation of the market. Nor me! "

proud words, evoked perhaps partly due to anxiety about his credentials as a former oil untowardly could weigh on its credibility and its already in-the-good approval ratings.

In the same speech, perhaps not altogether surprising recognizing the similarity manipulation, but in a consumer-friendly, announced that he is increasing the supply of liquid Suddenly expensive by temporarily halt deposits to the U.S. Strategic Petroleum Reserve.

However, following the dramatic appreciation of the golden liquid ironically, some surprising new players have entered the gasoline business. Tiffany has announced that it plans to install a petrol pump next to the counter where her diamonds show the most extravagant. Cartier aims to retail gas in the ball of solid gold thimbles. And DeBeers, the diamond trader legendary enhance its pricy gasoline with a variation on his usual slogan "A diamond is forever," with "a full tank is not forever."

On the other hand, American media, in an attempt to accommodate a dozen or so daily price increases, have adopted new ways to get to work. One, called carpooling deep, requires commuters to stuff themselves into cars until their arms and legs protruded from the windows. Another attack is that of a half dozen or so cars together, so everyone can move along with one engine burning precious fuel.

Others have opted for once the uncertainties of mass transportation and, as expected, are often arrive late to work en masse.

But Americans are a people can do, no matter what a can of oil from the Middle East try to fatten their wallets shoes.

Russia defends Iran's Nuke Program considers good customer service position

While the civilized world reacted with horror to the plan by Iran to harness the energy of the atom, as in bombs away, Russia has strongly defended Iran's nuclear ambitions of mullahdom's threatening.

At first, each separate person for responsible behavior is taken back by this seemingly reckless defense, not only because it seems wildly risky, even self-destructive, but also because one would not expect from people who have decided to present themselves as both Reformed friends of humanity and trust politicians who dress in spiffy clothes, rather than in their former shabby universal.

But we in turn observe hard-learned that if someone's behavior does not 'seem to make sense, it is likely that just do not understand what his goals are.

Viewed in this way, the sprite of the Kremlin is so obvious as we often see power red tie hanging from the neck of Vladimir Putin. Iran buys weapons from Russia and now buy enriched uranium, too, and Russia is the only service reviews.

As VP, which led to Russia, ordering his cohorts around the Russian, said: "Once when I was in the KGB and has not had much to do, I read in the American department store magnate John Wanamaker, who once said a clerk, 'When a client comes in, you forget about me.' So when Iran is approaching, I forget everything, but put the customer first. It seems that the capitalist thing to do, and in the modern Russian economy, I think there is room for at least this much free enterprise. "

One might think that there would be some awareness of the geographical limits of his enthusiasm. After all, Russia is much closer to Iran than us. There are other unavoidable aspects of customer relations that should be considered, among them Vladimir and his associates gangsta-rich infidels seem very similar to the Iranians currently driving the ship of state toward the cliffs of the war as we do.

What Lenin once said about capitalists obviously applies also to the reformed communists: they sell the rope to hang with them.

U.S. ends its dependence on oil, into fuel BS

While America is a shortage of gasoline, the country's dependence on foreign oil is running out.

A researcher at the Department of Energy, from which the revolutionary ideas on a regular basis, he realized that Americans, along with most people who ever lived, have a virtually unrestricted and renewable BS He wondered if he could be transformed into fuel.

The idea proved so promising that his work has produced a wonderful result in the shortest time taken to record some BS from a colleague wonderfully fertile and the wire to a refinery. He calls the new Bio-Super Potion.

"And 'fuel more concentrated in history," he says, "with an octane rating equal to 99.9. I guess we have enough of a supply to meet our total energy needs for the foreseeable future. All we have do is keep BS-ing the way we do, and we all Super Bio-we and our children need. "

The product is ready for mass production. The technique requires the collection of BS from all over the country doing the most irrepressible leaders to speak into the microphones. The BS is then sent to the nearest refinery.

Bio-Super also has an advantage over other fuels in terms of pollution, since the process actually takes a lot out of 'air.

Since the BS is so highly concentrated to begin with, the production of Bio-Super is a lot 'more efficient production of biofuels from corn or woodchips. Only a few hundred words of good old American BS, especially from people who like going out to bars after work and talk their heads off, can produce enough to fill the gas tank on a Hummer.

The only downside is exceptional volatility of the product. Once the pump in your tank, you slam the gas cap locks immediately or it will all evaporate. Motorists are also advised to remove the cap only when the indicator is almost empty and step aside, otherwise there is the risk of being eliminated with a force that scientists have calculated is equal to six airbags.