On The Road Again - A middle-aged couple try Mountain Bike

My wife and I need to exercise more. Every time we go out we see vultures turning heads in advance and now our washing machine is doing that bad, where shrinking our clothes. So in a moment of pure inspiration and absolutely no intelligent thought whatsoever, we decided to start mountain biking. You might remember as children by bicycle and there was nothing to it. We bought our bikes with the affectionate remembrance of a cool breeze blowing gently in the face.

One of the first things we notice is that the seats are too small. It seems that younger people are doing in our youth. The employee smirks knowingly and suggests that, for mountain bikers more mature may attach foam padding. There is obviously an additional charge. My wife chose the extra padding and is currently running on what looks like a bucket seat from a 1967 Buick. I, on the other hand, decided to reduce additional costs and go without the padding. My proctologist told me that the tingling in my left buttock should eventually disappear.

Early Saturday morning we prepare for our adventure by bike first. We decide to leave early to make sure we'll be back before dark. My wife is traveling back and wear a bum bag with sunscreen, a first aid kit and our medical insurance cards. Its task is to set the pace. My job is to follow the back and criticize. I'll bring a backpack filled with: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (for subsistence), energy bars (for resistance), 2 jugs of Gatorade (to replenish body fluids), rain gear (in case of bad weather) a map and compass (in case you get lost), a flashlight (in case we got lost at night) and flares (to assist the research team).

We go the route one last time. I spread the map on the kitchen table, pointer in hand. "This is the path to be taken, so be careful. If you have questions, now is the time to ask."

I closely examine emergency procedures. "If we separate, we will be meeting here at the check-point Charlie, or here, at the check-point Romeo.

"We've been four times already on this, my wife complains, of course, the whole adventure taking too lightly and not showing respect for my advanced training and experience. After all, was the one who has spent nearly two years integers in the Cub Scouts, not her. Fortunately, I realized the seriousness of the task ahead and took the necessary precautions.

We are finally ready to put our weeks of training and preparations to use. It 's time to venture forward and boldly go where no sane man or woman of middle age predecessor - it's time to leave our street.

Short children. "Now remember, while we're gone I want one of you to stay near the phone at any time when we need assistance."

'But you're just going around the block ", the kids complain. "The house in sight all the time."

Ah, the innocence of youth. They oversimplify everything.