It used to be so easy. All I needed was a thick mane of tousled auburn locks, high cheekbones and a determined little chin, add a pinch of determination and an event from your past that still haunts you. Then, Wham! She was the perfect protagonist for fiction.
But now is not so simple. With television shows like Grey's Anatomy and Ally McBeal, books like The Diary of Bridget Jones and good in bed, and movies like Miss Congeniality and Legally Blonde, we're getting all kinds of mixed messages about how the ideal woman should be. What is a modern girl who wants to support herself with the rules can not be done?
Simple! Just follow these guidelines and you will be as witty, complex and neurotic as the rest of them. In other words - there will be the perfect, modern fiction heroin.
Step 1 - be invalidated
This step is super easy, because come on, we all already flawed in anyway, right?
Right!
Except for one little catch. It 'necessary to adopt correct the defects, and these three are not negotiable.
1.) Must be self-interested. This includes comparing their personal problems to petty things like death, war and injustice, and to find a sort of parallel one, no matter what the circumstances may be. It is also to have a constant inner dialogue with themselves which outlines these parallels with witty remarks. For example: "The news reminded me of him. Yesterday I saw the report said that routine circumcision in Africa could prevent 300,000 deaths over the next ten years. What a shocker! Ax a penis of a boy could help eliminate the pain, loss, and heart-ache. What will they think of next? "
2.) You must have problems with food. If you think you may be a heroin television or a movie, this means that you can not eat. Period. If you plan to be a hero book, this means that you must eat all the time except when you do not eat, so you should think about eating. I highly recommend the second option.
3.) You must become preoccupied with an unhealthy relationship. This includes, but is not limited to, relationships with boyfriends, friends, mothers, fathers, roommates, and ex. Especially ex. (And make sure your ex is dreamy, preferably with a new girl who is not in any way as an asset for him as you were).
Step 2 - The practice of retail therapy
modern day heroin fiction creates a fundamental truth - that there is no problem too big or too small that can not be remedied with shopping. Again, there is a catch, you must be careful about what to go shopping. Hard and fast rule - everything is out of practical or economic. Other than that, I made a shopping list of items approved by the elements most strongly recommended at the top, and continuing in descending order:
• Designer Shoes
• Planning beauty products
• Design of chocolate
• Designer Bags
• Designer lingerie
• Any other designer
• Clothing (this is referred to as the very last option, because although clothes shopping can be great fun if you happen to have gone up a size, the blow to your ego is so huge that it denies the therapeutic aspect of these retail therapy. )
Step 3 - have a purpose, deeply in doubt then you can either accept it or leave it to find a new purpose.
Rather than go into unnecessary details, I created a very handy-dandy chart. Just choose an option from each column and you're ready to go.
Column A
King 1.You 'a (lawyer, publisher, or banker) and love the power and money.
King 2.You 'a (doctor, policeman, or writer) and I love life-changing.
King 3.You 'stay-at-home mom and love your family.
King 4.You 'all of the above, and you've never been so satisfied!
Column B
1.It 's all getting to be too much and no one understands you.
2.Do not to mean anything and no one understands you.
3.You wish you could have time to yourself, because nobody understands?
4.Is this really what we set out to do? You've done in the history of art, after all.
Column C
1. After meeting the right guy, you decide to Chuck and all living abroad.
2. After the fall back in love with the guy you have been for years, decided to start his own company, home based greeting card.
3. After realizing that the nerdy guy is actually the one for you, you return to your career with a new sense of purpose.
4. Who needs health insurance anyway? It was decided to take a break to focus only on you.
Conclusion:
So you see, but it's not that hard to imitate for narrative truth. Gone are the days of moorland on foot, wearing corsets, and die of consumption. Today all you need is a little attitude thrown in a complex social faint. So get your credit card ready, preheat the oven for those brownies, and start living your life as if each can (and will) hear what you have to say. A new era has arrived!
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