As everybody knows, Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, the self-appointed representative of wild and Al-Qaeda in Iraq, was given a surprise sendoff last week. What no one seems to know is what happened when he met his first entry to Allah paradise he and his best mate misrepresentatives Islam hopes to be brought along.
Fortunately, we were there. How, you ask?
When we heard that Mr. Al-Zarqawi was finally the object of his just reward, we, of course, he did as most observers tired and sickened by the atrocities and its bid him a quick trip to his deserved fate. But we have also sent an e-mail to Allah, asking if he could witness his arrival in what Mr. Zarqawi and other terrorists leaders insist, all the better to influence their ill-informed stooges, is the port where 27 virgins await.
We now present, registered with our continuing care, the conversation a bit 'heated between Allah and rightly stunned Mr. Al-Zarqawi, who approached a little' stunned by the explosion, which prompted him to eternity, but when he saw God, he managed a smile of hope.
AZ: Hello, I'm Musab al-Zarqawi.
AL: I know. difficult period of being a terrorist, is not it?
AZ: Then you know?
AL: Sure. I know everything.
AZ: Really? Then you must be Allah?
AL: Yes, I am.
AZ: Really? Hey, great to meet you. When I was alive, I always told my followers, "Allah is a friend of mine."
AL: Thank you.
AZ: Wow, I feel like I've died and gone to heaven. So where are my 27 virgins?
AL: What do virgins?
AZ: On 27 I should have to be a martyr for Islam.
AL: I'm sorry. Up here there are no female sex slaves.
AZ: I do not?
AL: No, we have the same rights, that is, for all under me.
AZ: Equal rights for men and women?
AL: Why not? I did both, right? I tend to get my ranking on the basis of behavior.
AZ: Oh, great, because as I said, I am a martyr.
AL: I'm sorry. Up here, do not qualify.
AZ: I do not? Why not?
AL: A martyr can do many things, but do not count among their murder.
AZ: He, too, when the killing in your name?
AL: Who does it kill in my name?
AZ: infidel!
AL: I do not know by another name?
AZ: Heck, no, my whole life I've only thought of you as Allah.
AL: What about the name "God" as one of my favorite sayings in Islam, "God is great!"?
AZ: Oh. "God" Sure, I remember.
AL: Good. Did you know that a lot of other people who know me know me by that name, that are and are not Islamic?
AZ: Really?
AL: Yes, and 'by far the preferred name call me human. In fact, people around the world often refer to me as "the only true God." You know what that means?
AZ: What?
AL: What you seem to have forgotten. They are all Pappy.
AZ: Everybody's? Even the Americans?
AL: Oh, especially Americans. I know I make mistakes, but at least you try to do the right thing. And I'm a big believer in doing the right thing. So I have a different definition of the infidels you.
AZ: Oh. What is it?
TO: Everyone forgets that, since there is only one God, that is myself, then everyone believes in the same God, no matter what name they give me.
AZ: Really? Hmm, I had not thought of.
AL: Why not? Thanks to me, you have a brain, is not it? And I expect to use it.
AZ: But I did.
AL: Yes, but not, I fear, in a way that deserves my admission to Paradise.
AZ: No?
AL: No, dummy. We have another place for people who kill other human beings, both humans believe in me or not.
AZ: Even if you do not believe in you?
AL: Yes, guarantee freedom of thought. And 'the very foundation of being able to choose right from wrong. My most important concern is whether or not harm or help others. And those who murder them, oh, like I said, I had a special place for them - and they qualify for admission.
AZ: I do? What place?
AL: The name of it, oddly enough, rhymes with "unbelievers.
AZ: Hell?
AL: Of course you do!
At this point, Allah raised his hand and Al-Zarqawi has fallen through the cloud he was standing up. Allah came and looked down through the hole. Then he rubbed his hands, as if to wash off.
He noted, our packaging control, and gave us a wink. He then returned to Heaven.
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