It 'was the dawn of humanity. His profession is even older than the world's oldest profession. It 'been hated and reviled by politicians, bureaucrats and sellers of hot dogs.
I'm talking, of course, disturbing the peace.
That guy was slippery in the garden of Eden, taunting people to steal. "Go away. Take a bite of the apple. The grocer will never know who is misssssing.
Even in caveman days, the public nuisance was the one who would always joke to play on someone. "Hee, hee. Thag not watch. I'm going to paint her green fire that resembled Bush. He will not be able to find the fire. Hee, hee. OUCH! Ooh. Ooh. Yowwww. It's so hot!"
He is the arrogant braggart who can not keep his mouth shut. "I told Caesar the Coliseum should be built on the west side of town. 'Caesar,' I said. 'The Coliseum should be built on the west side of town.' But he did listen to me? No-o. He built the Colosseum on the west side of town? "No-o."
"So ... which is why lions are drooling beyond that door?"
"Ah ... well, yes, actually."
The public nuisance is that whiner who can not stop complaining about the weather. "Oh, c'mon Leonardo. Why not invent something useful for change and how a better time."
"What's wrong with time?"
"What's wrong? What's wrong?! It's too cold when I want it too hot. It's too hot when you want it to be too cold. Raining when I work in the fields. Gets dry when the crops need rain . And you saw how the wind blew the other night ... "
Law and order has been with us through the centuries, music too loud in public places.
"What's that noise?"
"I think some guys are playing their lutes a bit 'strong'.
'Well as a middle-aged woman should get any sleep around here? "
"But what can I do?"
"You're a knight, for charity. Get your horse and your spear and run down."
But like all things good, even the public nuisance has been transformed by technological advances. We can no longer rely on manual labor to provide public services for the public nuisance. Machines to provide all the disturbances that could be desired.
Automation of disturbing the peace was inevitable. As the city expanded, it is increasingly difficult for the public nuisance to be everywhere at once and provide adequate disturbance to the whole population.
It 'was also very inefficient to have individual public disturbances repeating the same operations in any part of town.
And then there was the issue of quality control. Who would ensure that all public nuisances have been serving the community with the same standards? Who could provide the reliability and integrity? Some public disturbances have been known to take bribes.
"Hey. You. What's that smell?"
"I'm just a couple of cracked eggs to throw at your house."
"Why my house? What have I done?"
"Nothing. But you have a fancy house and I thought it would be more willing to give me an incentive to throw them somewhere else."
"What! This is extortion!"
"Yes."
"I see. Well, Smithers along the road has been too arrogant this week, so here's a little something to get annoyed by his audience tonight. "
"Thank you, sir. 'Was a pleasure disturbing you."
I was puzzled. I had no idea how to end this column. "Maybe the public nuisance should be a she," I thought
"Why her?" my wife asked.
"Why do people complain if I just believe my characters are" he. "The trouble is that every time you make" you ", someone wants to know why I'm picking on women."
"They do if the public nuisance a woman," my wife said.
"Are you saying that women are never nuisances?"
"Everyone knows that all you men cause public disorder," my wife poked me.
"This is why men are bored you women feel more clothes and more clothes and more clothes. We're just trying to keep things interesting"
"People have such short attention ..."
Suddenly I knew how to end the column: In our family, we do not need a public nuisance - automatically or manually. Everyone has private nuisance, we love very much.
"There is no way to end a column," insisted my private nuisance. "Why not tell them how you would get rid of harmful public once and for all?"
"Shhh. Do not tell them. This column next week."
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