Need a hobby?

A man needs a hobby.

Believe that I am not in the round. I rarely take a vacation (never, come to think of it), and not spend a lot of time in church, although I do not consider myself a pagan.

All I do is work to pay a bill, and are about 48 hours before the rest of my bills.

Based on this, I recently concluded that much of life is useless.

I need a hobby.

I need a hobby, something beyond the simple desire for more sex. That brings up an interesting point. Why is that sex is not considered a hobby? Maybe because you do not use glue or epoxy, as in making a model airplane.

Then again, maybe you do.

In any case, I'm trying to find a hobby, something that I can relax and find personal enrichment.

Here are some possibilities that I have actually implemented, or were actively mulling over:

Like most suburbanites, I live near close enough to other houses. The elderly lady in the house in front of me looks at my window in the room much. We have all seen the people watching. Maybe it's just boredom. But I came to the conclusion ... She looks at me for some reason.

There can be only one possibility.

She looks at me dressed. And undress.

After a week of this, I decided to make its monetary value.

Now do two shows, and one in the morning ... .. my window. My dressing and undressing shows.

I go into a slow dance routine, and my huge decline, strong muscles jungle. I recently purchased a bow tie like the kind used by Chippendale dancers, and wearing an old high school jock strap EP.

I'm thinking of adding a strobe light to expand the act.

This is a hobby that is better than gin rummy.

And you people happy.

Another potential hobby involves the clever use of empty rolls of toilet paper, you know, those little cardboard cylinders once the toilet paper is consumed. I have long been fascinated by them.

Here is a potential clean hobby.

Take two cylinders and reveal them. Will still curl. You can then put them on the wrists like bracelets. These can be worn while making love to your wife or significant other's lover.

She portrays it as a kind of legendary fantasy hero like Ben Hur, or Heracles.

He used men to wear bracelets that time. Really, no joke! Back in the real old ancient times, when they used to, "kill" boys.

Or, if you are out in space for you, you can take 25 of these cylinders, glue them side by side, and wear them as a sort of futuristic space-belt as in Star Trek.

It gives your partner the opportunity to rip the belt off easily just before she throws you on the "beam me up the machine and crazy, passionate love to you.

If you're fat, you may need fifty rolls of toilet paper.

We can all be a bit 'more creative these days in the cold waiting for the warmer climate, and the definition of a hobby that is not only rewarding, but is involved and has raised us.

© Copyright 2004